As I lay me down to Sleep
by Kai-chan Akiyama
Summary: YAOI. Sometimes the pain of memories drives us to do horrible things. Sometimes those horrible things can't be taken back. [ONE SHOT] LEMON.


_Disclaimer_: Kairan Akiyama did not create Beyblade, nor does she know the name of who did… nor does she care. **XP**. Raven beta-ed this, Arigatou-hamster for you!

"…" – talking

_italics_ – thought

"…" – flashback

UBER-BASIC JAPANESE WITH KAI-SAN!

Ai'shiteru – I love you

KAI-SAN: This is an angst fic, so enjoy. I love Kai with anyone as long as he's seme. Don't worry, rabid Rei/Kai fans, you'll get your day.

NIGHTSHADE: So until then, read this.

Enjoy the ride.

**As I lay me down to Sleep**

The room was dark, like a piece of night had engulfed all light and color. Glowing from the darkness was his bed, its neatly pressed white sheets mocking him.

He hated that bed.

The things he had done, what was done to him, all of it took place on that bed. The first time he'd felt that rush, when he'd given that feeling to another, losing control, gaining control, everything was done on that bed. And he couldn't get rid of it. It wasn't right to blame the bed, not that it had feelings anyway, it wasn't its fault. Fuck it, it was the bed's fault; everything was that damn bed's fault. "Fuck!" Kai dropped onto his hate, swearing into the crisp linen sheets. He and that bed were so alike, it sickened him. He seemed to glow in ethereal light, the long white shirt on his body giving off a faint aura. He stretched widely in the bed and curled on himself, he still didn't feel safe. "Fuck…" His ruby eyes closed against his will; closed eyes led to sleep, sleep led to dreams…dreams led to remembering, and memories were painful.

**There was loud laughter coming from the Kinomiya Dojo. He sat on the roof, reclining in the silver light of the full moon. He closed his eyes as he tried to drown out the annoying sounds of celebration. "Why am I even here?" he asked himself, standing up. Taking one last longing glance at the star-filled sky, Kai jumped down from the roof and entered the dojo, his white scarf billowing dramatically. "So what are you doing now?" **

**The BladeBreakers sat in a circle in the center of the dojo. Takao was closest to the door, his green pajama shirt tied around his neck like a cape. Rei was sitting on his left, a smile plastered on his face as he and Max, the blonde on his right, laughed loudly at some joke only they seemed to understand. Daichi was on Takao's right, a bowl of potatoes chips in his lap. "Playing a round of 'Truth or Dare'," Max answered, his blonde hair wet and a red towel at his dripping locks.**

**Kai's eye brows arched "What happened to you?"**

"**Maxie got a swirly," Rei replied matter-of-factly, hugging his wet friend. "Takao dared me… it had to be done."**

**Kai rolled his eyes and muttered "Idiots." He sat cross legged on Daichi's right. "How do you play?"**

"**Well, it's Max's turn now," Daichi explained, eating chips. "You have to pick truth or dare. If you pick truth, you have to answer a question, right? And if you pick dare, somebody dares you to do something hilarious."**

"**Getting a swirly is not hilarious, Daichi," Max informed him, still rubbing the red towel against his hair. "It's my turn right? Okay Kai: truth or dare."**

"**Dare," Kai replied, clearly unimpressed.**

"**Alright…" Max looked around the circle, his eyes stopping on Takao. "Kai, I dare you to kiss Takao."**

"**WHAT?" Takao jumped from the ground, his green shirt/cape flapping behind him. "You dare him to what?"**

"**Calm down, Takao," Max said, laughing. "Hitoshi will hear you making a scene."**

"**Yeah, it took all of our cunning to convince him to let you have a party while your grandfather's on a trip, Takao," Rei reminded him. "Don't mess it up now, man." **

"**You're not serious, are you Max?" Takao asked, his face one of utter shock.**

"**Rei gave me a swirly," Max concluded. "You and Kai gotta pucker-up."**

"**I thought 'cruel and unusual punishment' was illegal," Kai said, standing up. Before Takao could protest, he grabbed his hand and took him into the kitchen. "Listen, just wait in here a minute or two and then come out. I don't plan on kissing you and I certainly don't want your lips on mine, so just follow my lead."**

"**I don't think they'll buy it, Kai," Takao reasoned. "Rei's clever, he'll catch on."**

"**So you'll just have to make it convincing," Kai replied.**

"**You two are awfully quiet in there…" Rei called from the den. "…are you making out?"**

"**Shut up, Rei!" Takao shouted. "I don't care what you guys say, I'm not doin' it!"**

"**You said dare, Takao," Rei replied. He came into the kitchen, followed by Max and Daichi. "Come on, it's just one smooch, how painful can it possibly be?"**

"**Me and Rei do it all the time," Max offered.**

"**Yeah well, you two like each other," Takao said. "Nothin' doin'."**

"**Alright, if you want to be difficult…" Rei came up behind Takao and pushed him into Kai.**

**Their lips touched and a jolt ran through their bodies. Takao's arms instinctively wrapped around Kai's neck, pulling him closer. Kai was more hesitant, his fingers hovering over Takao's waist, as if debating. A full minute passed and they stood frozen, locked in euphoric ecstasy. _This feels so strange, but somehow…right. Takao, do I love –_**

"**Whoa…" Rei followed Takao with his eyes as he left the kitchen and stepped into the night.**

"**Takao…" Kai went after him, surprised to find him on the roof. "What are you doing up there, Takao?"**

"**Thinking."**

"**About what?" Kai asked, afraid of the answer.**

"**About us."**

Just like, that it had started. Kai sat up in bed, the hollow feeling inside breaking him. _I have to get out of this house, even if only for a moment. _He slipped into loose blue jeans and walked downtown in slippers.

It wasn't too cold, the breezes were welcome. His body ached for a warmth he'd never feel again, a hunger deep inside that couldn't be fed. The lights of hobby stores and antique shops were outshone by the blazing neon lights of strip clubs and other night-happenings. He wasn't sure when he ended up in the Red-Light District, perhaps it was just his body that needed comfort? The soulless puppets of society fell into the growing shadows as Kai walked the streets, he knew where he was going. His head lifted as he stared into the sky, the clouds covering his only source of light and hope, the stars. Rain fell slowly and ominous thunder boomed in the distance, but it didn't matter; he'd found a place to wait out the storm.

The door creaked open and slammed into the adjacent wall with a loud crash. The lightning streaking through the sky was the only light in the abandoned church, a place Kai rarely found himself. Why now, in utter darkness and alone in sorrow, did he fall to his knees in despair before a pitiful altar? "Tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do!" His cry rocked the building, it echoing upon itself and mocking the sanctuary. The tears wouldn't stop now, and he freely let them fall. His slate bangs clung to his face, the rain dripping onto the floor and creating a puddle beneath him. "Please tell me what to do…" Pleading for mercy, begging for guidance, was Kai himself anymore? "I just want to forget him, to forget everything…" He wrapped his arms around himself and shook as he cried. "I can't do this anymore…" He rose to his feet, the tears staining his face and the emptiness inside his heart pouring from his body.

He collapsed on that damned white bed; when had he gotten home? He kept a secret close to his chest, more memories etched within him peering without.

**He pushed Takao against the wall, his lips burning into his flesh. "I want you badly, Takao," Kai whispered lustfully in his ear, a busy hand fiddling with Takao's jeans zipper. "Let me make you mine.**

"**Like you have to ask?" Takao gently eased Kai away and sat upon the neatly pressed white sheets, slowly and delicately taking off his clothes. First came the red jacket, the yellow shirt soon after. The shirt latched itself onto a spiked collar Kai had given Takao, the silver barbs glistening with sweat. Kai moved to help, but Takao lifted and finger and wagged it playfully. "Uh-uh, let me do it." Takao was much more flexible than he was given credit; he twisted the collar off without unbuckling it and hung the shirt from his index and middle fingers, a smirk of triumph on his face. "See? No problem."**

"**You're going to have a problem in a second," Kai said, his arousal growing impatient. "Are you doing this on purpose or as fore-play?"**

"**A little from column A, a little from column B," Takao smiled, licking his lips seductively. "Well, I'm waiting for you." He threw off his blue gloves and lied on the bed, want radiating from his body.**

**Kai looked upon Takao greedily. He'd known him since he was twelve, they'd been through so much together, why was it only now at seventeen did he realize his feelings for his best friend? Was it that he was more mature? No, he'd always been the level-headed one of all the Blade Breakers. Perhaps it was that his body was more mature, maybe now he could understand that deep sexual passion coursing through him and all humanity. This wasn't just about him and his primal need for sex, it was something outside of him and Takao, something bigger and better than either could hope or imagine. He cast his white scarf aside, ripping at his hands and tossing his black gloves as though they burned him. Kai's shirt soon joined Takao's, scattered on the floor and forgotten. He fell upon Takao in a fury of kisses; his hands running over Takao's body, making him gasp, moan, and writhe beneath his touch. "You look so good in that collar, Takao," Kai whispered in his ear as he tried to re-organize his thoughts. "And your pants suit you too."**

"**Want me to take one off for you?" Takao gave Kai his devilish grin.**

"**Oh please, let me have the honor." Kai's fingers crossed to Takao's front, unbuttoning his confining pants and pulling them to his ankles. Kai took Takao's length into his hands, petting and stroking him roughly. "You're so tense, Takao. And you're body is so hot, too. Maybe I can help cool you down…" Kai reached beside the bed and rummaged through a box, one hand frantically searching while the other was solely focused on driving Takao wild. **

**Takao screamed as the ice cube entered into him, the sudden cold overloading his senses. It was almost too much for him; the heat of their passion, the room itself was dark and humid, the pounding bass of Kai's stereo system; everything tripled his pleasure. He cried out again, louder, as Kai descended onto him. Kai's slick wet tongue on the outside, a frozen orb of ice inside, Takao was losing his mind. "Fuck me, Kai!"**

**Kai was too busy to answer, though the corners of his mouth tugged upward. He spread Takao's legs wider as he moved his moist mouth all around his length, his tongue licking the inside of Takao's calves. He nipped at Takao's entrance, getting a jolt of his own when his tongue touched that ice cube. He blew hard into Takao, making the boy cry bloody murder. Another ice cube, but inside Takao this time. Kai put the frozen water in his mouth and kissed Takao all over his body, tasting his sweat and leaving cold spots. Takao shivered against Kai, pushing his arousal upward. "It seems you have a little problem, Takao," Kai smirked, the ice cube currently at Takao's left nipple. "It seems you're about to come. Any suggestions for what I should do?"**

"**You know damn well…what you should do…" Takao could barely think, let alone speak. "I'm…all yours."**

"**I'm hoping so…" Kai came down on Takao one last time, his tongue sliding inside the slimmer boy and making him go hoarse as he screamed. Kai braced himself as Takao came, swallowing every drop as he pushed his own abandoned arousal into the wet and heavy sheets. He licked his lip, getting every trace, as he lay beside Takao, exhausted and exhilarated. "That was… really good."**

"**You just wait…" Takao tried to catch his breath, his voice ragged. "You'll get yours…" Takao chuckled as he stood on his knees. "And I haven't even touched you yet. You think you're so slick with that ice cube, but I've got your number." He turned Kai so he was lying on his stomach and slid a finger in from behind, the sweat running from both of them enough to coat the intruder. Kai screamed wildly as he felt Takao enter him, his shout tearing through the pillow at his mouth. Takao pumped harder into him, shaking the bed with each thrust.**

"I just want to stop seeing you…" Kai pressed his face into his pillow.

The thunder boomed again, lightning crackling through the night.

Kai moved from the bed, resting so he kneeled before it. He began to speak again, his voice barely audible, like a faint wind. "As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep…"

The lightening flashed again. Kai held his secret close, the lightning shining off the blade. It danced across his wrist, dyeing the ivory sheets crimson. It fell to the floor, its resounding thump overshadowed by the deafening thunder.

"…And if I die before I wake…"


End file.
